“Failure Is Not An Option”

My Story

My goal when I started writing my blog was to always share true moments from my life so that you could see God’s gentle hand of grace leading me on my journey of faith. However, I failed to take into account that there would be times when my life would get really messy because of my health.  In the past, I’ve always put a positive spin on things when I’ve faced  health challenges, therefore very few people were aware of how sick I might have been sometimes. Now I find myself struggling to roll back the facade of makeup and smiles and give you a glimpse of the physical and emotional pain that I’ve been experiencing for several weeks.  

I always pray for guidance what God would have me say here in this space, but it wasn’t until last night when I finally realized with a great peace He had one thing for me to share–“you can do all things through me.”  Even though I feel I have no control over any aspect of my life right now I believe there is a lesson to be learned in that for me.

Some of you are aware that I use to be plagued with seizures and at one point I was even hospitalized for a month because of their effects. Once their cause was determined to be daily migraines and I got proper treatment for the migraines I stopped having the seizures.  It had been around three years or so since I had experienced any trouble. I thought I was home free. Then the old mimesis slowly began to rear its ugly head  when I broke my wrist at Christmas.  Over the weeks that followed, I tried to keep things going as best I could but it seemed the harder I tried the further behind I got.  The seizures continued to grow stronger and I felt all the more helpless and overwhelmed.   

Realizing things were going down hill fast I decided with Tony’s help I needed to roll up the sidewalks, close up shop, shut things down for a while until I could get my body and brain in a calmer and healthier state. Which meant pulling back from my friends, church and any activities that required computer work or a lot of work. In other words I would be living a solitary life for a while. This decision was based on years of trial and error and never ever comes easily.

Today the seizures are better and I’m very thankful to say that I’ve had very little activity in the last few days. My task these days is to keep a balance between my pain level and my medications.  To avoid boredom and the crazies, I constantly imagine myself as a walking chemistry experiment that needs to be tinkered with to avoid blowing up the lab.  

Here are a couple of ways you can help me pray:

* I’ll start a new pain treatment on April 1st that is new to the U.S.  It is given by transfusion and the hope is it will help me manage my pain better and eventually replace some of my other pain medications.

* I’m having some serious G.I. problems. I’m scheduled for an endoscope and colonoscopy on April 12th. I’m already in ALOT of pain and the two-day prep process is going to be even more painful without a divine touch from God.  Also, pray that God will lead me to the right nutritional program for my needs, so that I can start cutting back on so many steroids. 

I know God has a plan for me and that is why I can never give up. No matter how overwhelmed I feel sometimes and how much I would love to crawl up in the fetal position and hide-I refuse to do it. God has given me dreams and hopes yet to be fulfilled and I plan to keep fighting a good fight until the day God calls me home. Failure is not an option.

My Scripture

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13

My Prayer

Lord, I need you this day for strength and healing. I long to be normal but You know I might not depend on you as much as I should. You always know exactly what I need, when I need it and how much I need.

I trust you, Sweet Jesus, I trust you. Oh precious Savior, I trust you.